When I was a teenager, I had a reputation for being…cranky. Granted, every teenager is some level of awful but in retrospect, it is kind of startling that my teenage PEERS even commented on my bad attitude. In freshman year, a friend “jokingly” said to me that I started every single conversation with, “hey, you know what pisses me off?!”
People say that everyone will just “grow out” of it. But, I don’t think I was going through a hormonal phase. Nor did I have unusual anger issues or was working through some adolescent trauma. More basically, I was just exceptionally emotionally immature and completely unable to analyze what was going on in my life. In fact, my senior year in COLLEGE still had me sweating bullets in bed, unable to sleep because my mind was racing through all of the infuriatingly unfair and horrible truths of society (oh the dawn of my anxiety issues).
Aside from turning you into a horrible person to be around, emotional immaturity and instability can completely derail your life. You know that feeling — when the day is just RUINED. I hate this…emotional hijacking of my productivity. How do you re-channel that energy into something good? In those tense moments when everything is going wrong, how do you calm yourself down? How do you avoid seething pointlessly and wasting time and energy on sometime petty?
I used to try to “cheer up” but that doesn’t work. Anxiety is not the opposite of cheerfulness. And moodiness is not negated by an artificial swing to the other side. The solution for me was to find my mantra.
Because even in my happy, stable, adult package, I’m tested all the goddamn time. Last week I took a family trip across the country and had some….interesting moments with my family and some….memorable moments on the long plane ride. Then I caught a cold and then the internet wasn’t working and oh blah blah pregnancy hormones.
But I still have STUFF TO DO. I can’t just loll around in a moody funk. Find a mantra. I’ll post more on this tomorrow.